Colonel Mustard and Sergeant Ketchup

Hasbro, Inc.

Consumer Affairs

P.O. Box 200

Dept. C-847

Pawtucket, RI, 02862-0200.

Dear Hasbro,

Recently I watched the 1985 film “Clue”, based off of the classic board game. It’s the masterpiece of the genre of board game films. Certainly its competition, “Candyland: Great Lollipop Adventure”, “Death by Scrabble”, and “Guess Who?” offered little. The third had almost nothing to do with flipping faces on tiles, though Ashton Kutcher was fairly two-dimensional.

            “Clue” (the movie) reminded me of Clue (the game). For reference purposes, I will refer to “Clue” (the movie) as “Clue” and Clue (the game) as Clue for the duration of this letter. The instructions to Clue (“Clue” doesn’t have any instructions) say,

Mr. Boddy—apparently the victim of foul play—is found in one of the rooms of

his mansion. To win, you must determine the answers to these three questions: Who done it? Where? and with What Weapon?”

Even if we take the grammatical errors above to be a clever use of colloquialisms designed to pique the interest of the aspiring detective, it is easy to pick out some of the fallacies that make the mystery far easier to solve than the game’s forced trial-and-error method would imply.

The Oreo Saga Pt. 2

(A response to Deceptions and Lies)
To the esteemed Ms. McMiller,

Recently I wrote you, or rather, Kraft, a letter. In this letter I touched upon many concerns, compliments, and questions regarding the Oreo brand. I was impressed that you responded in a timely fashion and in detail. You misspelled my name, but I would not begrudge you a typo.

The one thing that did trouble me about your response was the answer you had to my question about Vend Pack Oreos. I asked why they were smaller and apparently made from a different recipe than regular Oreos, the kind bought in a store. I referenced the seemingly endless varieties of Oreos already in production, each identified through a different name. Why, then, would you go through all the trouble of making a whole different production line without taking credit for it?

Scientific Proof That You Can Forget What A Word Means Through Repetition

Doug Zonker, of the University of Washington has made some great scientific strides with this study.