Recently I wrote you, or rather, Kraft, a letter. In this letter I touched upon many concerns, compliments, and questions regarding the Oreo brand. I was impressed that you responded in a timely fashion and in detail. You misspelled my name, but I would not begrudge you a typo.
The one thing that did trouble me about your response was the answer you had to my question about Vend Pack Oreos. I asked why they were smaller and apparently made from a different recipe than regular Oreos, the kind bought in a store. I referenced the seemingly endless varieties of Oreos already in production, each identified through a different name. Why, then, would you go through all the trouble of making a whole different production line without taking credit for it?
I will quote your letter, Ms. McMiller, and your answer to my question: “Oreos in vending machines are our original Oreos. They are no smaller than the ones in larger packages.” At first, I admit my faith was shaken. I thought, perhaps she’s right. Ms. McMiller is coming straight from the source, maybe the difference is all in my head. I let the matter slide briefly, but my intuition was nagging at me. When the Internet confirmed my suspicions (see thedailyplate.com; wikipedia.com), I knew that I had to be absolutely sure.
So began my experiment. I purchased a pack of Oreos from a vending machine and compared them to the standard 18 ounce pack of Oreos I had at home. In short, the results confirm that not only are vending machine Oreos smaller, they are made from a slightly different recipe. But I would not expect you to take my conclusion at face value.
My evidence:
First I would like you to look at the two photographs enclosed: the top one shows a standard Oreo at left and a Vend Pack Oreo at right. They are different sizes. The bottom picture shows the results I got when twisting open five standard Oreos (at top) and five Vend Pack Oreos (at bottom). I performed this experiment to demonstrate the difference in the adhesive properties of the cream fillings. Note that standard Oreos cannot be opened such that all of the filling is on one side. Invariably the filling leaves residue on each half of the cookie. Standard filling cannot operate as an independent food item, it exists only in adhesion to the cookie. Thus the famous “Duoseptuagenuple Stuf Oreo” could never have been achieved with standard Oreos. Vend Pack Oreos, as you will see in the picture, can leave little or no residue on the cookie. They can either transfer entirely to one half, or rip cleanly into two pieces, one on each half. That sort of thing doesn’t just happen by chance, or by months spent in a machine. Something is fundamentally different in the basic chemistry of the filling that has changed the viscosity, adhesiveness, and very taste of that filling.
Next, take a little trip to the nutrition facts. Despite a pathetic attempt to disguise the truth through changes in serving size, simple math reveals that even by canceling out proportionate size differences, the recipe is vastly different.
Standard Oreos Vend Pack Oreos
1.68 servings- 57 g 1 serving-57 g
268.23 calories 240 calories
105.62 from fat 90 from fat
11.74g total fat 10g total fat
318.52mg sodium 280mg sodium
Standard Oreo Ingredients: SUGAR, ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMINE MONONITRATE {VITAMIN B1}, RIBOFLAVIN {VITAMIN B2}, FOLIC ACID), HIGH OLEIC CANOLA OIL AND/OR PALM OIL AND/OR CANOLA OIL, AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL, COCOA (PROCESSED WITH ALKALI), HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORNSTARCH, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA AND/OR CALCIUM PHOSPHATE), SALT, SOY LECITHIN (EMULSIFIER), VANILLIN - AN ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, CHOCOLATE.
Vend Pack Oreo Ingredients: SUGAR, ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMINE MONONITRATE {VITAMIN B1}, RIBOFLAVIN {VITAMIN B2}, FOLIC ACID), HIGH OLEIC CANOLA OIL AND/OR PALM OIL AND/OR CANOLA OIL, COCOA (PROCESSED WITH ALKALI), HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, BAKING SODA, CORNSTARCH, SALT, SOY LECITHIN (EMULSIFIER),VANILLIN - AN ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, CHOCOLATE.
The ingredients list speaks for itself. Not a huge change therein, but enough can be done with the listed and changes in ratios to make the changes in nutrition values and texture described above.
I conclude from all this evidence that Vend Pack Oreos are irrefutably different than standard Oreos. Now deeply believing in this conclusion, I am forced to compare the observations I have made with your assertion and make a second conclusion, that you, my dear Consumer Care Representative, have not been fully honest with me.
The question, then, is why. I can only assume that you are a part of a vast conspiracy to hide the difference between the two Oreo versions. Of course, it is a poorly hidden conspiracy, so the purpose cannot be to hide it from the consumer population at large. Consumers notice quite easily slight changes in their snack foods. It is not uncommon for people to be able to taste the difference between differently colored M&M’s. No, this cover-up is designed for someone within Kraft, someone far from the every-day of production lines or FDA standards. Someone who’s never eaten a Vend Pack Oreo. I imagine the scene: a Nabisco boardroom sometime long ago. Exec A proposes a slightly smaller, less sticky Oreo to be put in vending machines. Exec B stands up, slams his hands on the table and stares dead into Exec A’s eyes. “Say again?”, he asks menacingly. Exec A, unshaken, continues. “We’ll save on supplies and have a slightly greater profit margin. But more importantly, the people eating from vending machines are busy. They don’t have time to eat an Oreo slowly. They need to be able to pop the whole thing in their mouth and know that the filling isn’t going to stick to their fingers. It’s food on the go!” Exec B is infuriated. He refuses to allow Exec A’s idea to be put into place, and since he holds vast power over Execs C-Q, the idea is voted down. Exec A is humiliated. He holds a meeting, this time in secret, without Exec B. He proposes Vend Pack Oreos again, and the other Execs are swayed by his argument, but live in fear of Exec B. They agree to file the necessary paperwork and put the line in motion so long as Exec B never, ever finds out about their secret. From that day forth, it was unwritten but highly enforced law at Nabisco that no employee may ever acknowledge the existence of a different Vend Pack Oreo.
That much I imagine on my own, but you know by now, Ms. McMiller, by hunger for confirmation, and I don’t enjoy being lied to. For weeks after receiving your letter I fumed to all who would listen about the lies you insulted me with by expecting me to believe them. I know that you can’t say the truth outright, so this is what you should do. If I’m right, and you’re being prevented from telling me the truth, just send a reply telling whatever lie procedure states you should, but put one word within the letter in italics. This way I will know, and you shall not have betrayed your company.
I look forward to your response,
Letter Status: No Reply
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