Long Live My Swans

Public Information Officer

Buckingham Palace

London, England
SW1A 1AA

To the Royal Public Information Office:
Hello! My respects to your office and the good work that you do, keeping everyone informed about William’s fashion faux pas and which Royal musicians are leaving to go on solo tours.
My question for you today is regarding mute swans. It falls in common knowledge that all the swans on open water in the realms of the British Commonwealth are sole property of Her Majesty the Queen.
This never bothered me before- I think if somebody is going to own that many swans, it might as well be the Queen. She probably takes good care of them. But as an American in these uncertain times, I must consider all the possibilities and know that no matter what, my own property is secure.
I do not own any swans as of yet, nor do I live in the Commonwealth. Still, I can think of dozens of hypothetical situations, ranging from plausible to implausible, that might cause me to obtain some Mute Swans and move to, say, the UK.
For example, mute swans are considered an invasive species in most parts of the United States. The US government could pay me to take custody of a flock of mute swans and remove it from the country. I might choose to take my flock to London because I have a certain fondness for British accents and for fish and chips.
I obtain proper licenses for the flock and quarantine them according to Customs regulations and begin a happy new life with them. Now imagine that one day, because I care so very much for my flock of swans, I decide to take them for a brisk walk. On this warm and oddly enough, dry, London summer day, my swans break away from me, using their powerful 200 cm wingspans to pull the leashes from my hands. They fly a short ways and land in the Thames, on open water.
What then, is my situation? Are my swans now property of Her Majesty? Will I be compensated for my loss? Those swans were my only friends! I’ve just set up a livelihood revolving around these swans!
Now you can calm yourself, Royal Public Information Officer, that was all just imaginary, but you can see that everyone would be in quite a predicament if such a situation were to occur. I’m convinced by my own story that the situation probably will occur, to me more likely than not considering my luck. So just to get all the awkward trading of lawsuits and tears out of the way now, what is standard procedure, should someone lose their privately owned swans and find them on open water?
My thanks for your helpfulness,

Letter Status: Replied