From London With Love: Buckingham Replies

Reply to Long Live My Swans

Dear            ,

Thank you for your letter of 3rd December.

First of all, I should point out that you are not correct when you state that "all swans on open water in the realms of the British commonwealth are the sole property of The Queen". Some of the swans on a particular stretch of the River Thames are owned by Her Majesty and, on this particular stretch, the Worshipful Company of Vintners and the Worshipful Company of Dyers own the rest.

Long Live My Swans

Public Information Officer

Buckingham Palace

London, England
SW1A 1AA

To the Royal Public Information Office:
Hello! My respects to your office and the good work that you do, keeping everyone informed about William’s fashion faux pas and which Royal musicians are leaving to go on solo tours.
My question for you today is regarding mute swans. It falls in common knowledge that all the swans on open water in the realms of the British Commonwealth are sole property of Her Majesty the Queen.
This never bothered me before- I think if somebody is going to own that many swans, it might as well be the Queen. She probably takes good care of them. But as an American in these uncertain times, I must consider all the possibilities and know that no matter what, my own property is secure.
I do not own any swans as of yet, nor do I live in the Commonwealth. Still, I can think of dozens of hypothetical situations, ranging from plausible to implausible, that might cause me to obtain some Mute Swans and move to, say, the UK.