Artists Who Hate Me

(A response to I Annoy Artists)


i stopped reading as soon as i saw you were writing to correct my spelling.








Blogger's Note: The day after I wrote this, Natalie Dee posted this as the day's cartoon. 

Coincidence? I think not.

I Annoy Artists

For reference: Natalie Dee is the artist behind a self-titled comic (found here) which often features adorably sarcastic vegetables.

Natalie Dee-

Sorry to bother you, girl. But we need to talk about your cartoon from

Tuesday (http://www.nataliedee.com/052510/the-spider-and-mans-inhumanity-to-man.jpg).

It's a decent analysis, I'll admit, though I will have to disagree about

your interpretation of the role of the sun. In such an outwardly optimistic

song, which nonetheless forebodes of future disaster, I'd have to hazard the

sun as a manifestation of Maximilien Robespierre or a Robespierre-esque

figure, which promises warmth in the beginning but, when channeled through

the magnifying glass of political power, will cause the scorching death of

the itsy bitsy spider. But that's not the point.

What we need to talk about is your improper spelling of the impersonal

possessive. I quote, "The spider continues to doggedly scale it's heights".

"It's" is appropriate in just two situations: as a contraction meaning "it

is" and as a possessive of Stephen King's novel "It" or the movie based on

it ("It"). I did consider that you might have been using one of these but if

that were that case the problems with your grammatical choices would be far

more severe. I'm going to have to ignore that for the time being. Let's just

assume that what you meant was "its".

People mess that up and write "it's" a lot because English possessives often

use apostrophes. The reason "its" doesn't have an apostrophe is it's a

possessive of a pronoun. Think about it, "his" and "her", "our" and "their"

don't use the apostrophe. They also don't use an s, but just pretend it's

irrelevant. I don't want to lecture you here, but you opened that door by

having and academically themed cartoon. Messing up your grammar like that

just rips away at your credibility as an analyst. I'm trying to look out for

you.

Much respect,

Email Status: Replied

April Fools!

Hah! You thought you were rid of me. Not so. Not so at all. Wise words of the day are going to continue- mainly because if I don't write them down I'll forget them and thus not have wisdom, and also because if I don't publish them in a searchable online medium I'll lose them and once again not have any wisdom.
My wisdom teeth are gone. This is all I have.

So things I write that nobody reads, besides me, that guy who was a follower of the Island for a day, and hopelessly lost Googlers, will now be broadcasted to the world via twitter, and somehow through Wilderweb enchantments will make it to this page.

Now It's Official

I said it was coming.


Here, for you to reference as you begin using it in everyday speech, formal writing pieces, and txting, is the definition of wilderweb.


Wilderweb (n): A synonym for internet which employs a metaphor comparing the World Wide Web to wilderness. 
Consider how you might encounter an "avalanche" of pop-up ads, one following the other until you are buried beneath a pile of windows selling natural male enhancement. 
Consider the equal dangers of getting lost on the Appalachian trail and getting lost on a trail of links, dizzy and confused and unable to remember your final destination. Or the similar behavioral patterns of natural predators and internet predators.
Lastly, consider how, on a starry night, gazing into the sky enlightens you as to how tiny and insignificant you truly are. Do we not experience such insight into the vastness of the universe when we see the 16 billion results upon googling "A"?

"I'm going for a walk in the wilderweb." "Well, be careful. Don't forget to bring your virus protection and a flashlight."

Don't believe me? Check it at urbandictionary.com

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wilderweb

Some Personal Lamentations

I'm in general not much of a downer. It has been said that I do not actually have feelings and am in fact a malfunctioning robot sent back from the future, because in the future that is what we do with our trash. (This explains a lot of things and a lot of people, more to come on this... maybe.) Be this truthful or not, I am occasionally struck with emotions, or illusions thereof. Today was a particularly emotional day. I will share so that we all may experience catharsis.

1. In my aimless wandering through the wilderweb (I've been using this word for years, but apparently it hasn't caught on. It's a mixture of "wilderness and web", look for it on Urban Dictionary in the future.), I came upon this. People who get gifts that they don't like smile, thank the giver, and then walk into the next room to put it on eBay. There are clothes, toys, DVD and CD sets, lovely jewelry and a whole lot of baby stuff. It's the modern version of the island of misfit toys, and as I looked at it and the song started to drift into my head, I started to tear up right in the middle of the English class I wasn't paying attention to.
   Each of those items were picked out with care, with one person in mind. They'll never belong to that person now, and they just sit alone, with no bidders whatsoever. Maybe I'm overreacting. But the whole thing makes me cry when I think about it.