It's Another Fauxetry Post!

Unfortunately I discovered the sheer awesomeness of former US Poet Laureate Billy Collins many months too late to do my recommended summer reading and still several months too late to attend his poetry reading.

But here today I make it up to Billy Collins. I know he was disappointed when he stepped into the packed lecture hall and saw my seat, the one in the front row that read "Reserved for Sincerely Yours", as empty and desolate as the top of James Carville's head. Inside he wept but on the outside, struggled on. Today his suffering can end because today he joins a select society: "Poets Whose Mailboxes I Don't Want To Put Rabid Mice Inside Of" (PWMIDWTPRMIO).

To serve as an induction ceremony,  I post two of his poems below, alongside a fauxem of my own, an oldie which pales in comparison.

Shellac Your Cereal Much?

See the responseConsumer Care Representative

1 General Mills Blvd.

Minneapolis, MN

55426

To the makers of Cocoa Puffs:

I’m sure you are familiar with the poem “Cereal” by the late great Shel Silverstein.

Rice Krispies stay crisp, though they now and then lisp

As they whisper their “thnap crackle pop” in your bowl,

And though you pour a tall can

Of milk on your ALL Bran,

It never will turn into glop (so I’m told).

I know Shredded Wheat will stay crumbly and neat

Though you soak it a year in the depths of the ocean,

And from breakfast and lunch

Your Post Toasties will crunch

To show you their love and undying devotion.

Sticking it to the Anti-Man

Islanders, I've made no secret about how I feel about poetry. But sometimes the best way to bring something down is from the inside. Like this:

Poetry: The Foie Gras Of Literature

I don't like foie gras either.

Steaming Volcanoes

The ocean holds meetings on the sorrow of Eternity's volcanoes.

Cool!

Well-deserved bananas!

A wet cave blows bubbles in inquisitive water.

The moon bathes in the dew drops of reflective laughter.

Hark!

The sun shines like the agony of refrigerated abandonment.

Yea, the agony of refrigerated abandonment!